P
arents
hold enormous leverage in terms of what they teach their children and
accordingly how their children grow up as adults. Islam, therefore, hold
parents responsible for steering their children’s upbringing according
to the guidelines of the Quran and the Prophet’s (sallallahu alaihi wa
sallam) traditions. The Prophet (s) said: “Allah
(SWT) will ask every caretaker about the people under his care, and the
man will be asked about the people of his household” (Nasa’i, Abu Da’ud).
Allah
(SWT) states in the Quran about the need to raise families in the light
of their end destination, which may be translated in the following
words:
“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the commands they receive from Allah, but do that which they are commanded”
Children
have the right, therefore, to be raised as responsible Muslim adults
and parents must ensure that right appropriately. Parents must be
conscious and take an active role in guiding their children and families
on the path of truth. The Prophet Muhammad (s) said:
“Every
one of your (people) is responsible, and everyone is responsible for
whatever falls under his responsibility. A man is like a shepherd of his
own family, and he is responsible for them” (Bukhari and Muslim).
The following are some of the critical areas related to raising children into responsible Muslim adults:
Give the child a good name
Parents
have the responsibility to provide the child with a good name which is
in accordance with Islamic traditions. One of the hadith in this context
is the one narrated by Naafi’ that Ibn ‘Umar said: The Messenger of
Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said:
“The most beloved of your names to Allah are ‘Abd-Allah and ‘Abd al-Rahmaan” (Narrated by Muslim, 2132).
Spend appropriately on your children
Parents,
and especially fathers, have the responsibility to spend on their
children in ways that can help their proper upbringing. It was narrated
that ‘Abd-Allah ibn ‘Amr said: The Messenger of Allah (s) said: “It is sufficient sin for a man if he neglects those on whom he is obliged to spend” (Narrated
by Abu Dawood, 1692; classed as sahan by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh
al-Jaami’, 4481). Another hadith in this context states that ‘Aa’ishah,
the wife of the Prophet (s), said: A woman came to me with two daughters
and asked me for food, and I could not find anything except one date
which I gave to her. She shared it between her two daughters, then she
got up and went out. The Prophet (s) came in and I told him what had
happened. He said: “Whoever is in charge of any of these girls and treats them well, they will be a shield for him against the Fire” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5649; Muslim, 2629).
Treat your children fairly
All
children within a family have their own rights to be treated fairly.
This right was referred to by the Prophet (s) in the saheeh hadeeth: “Fear Allah and treat your children fairly” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2447; Muslim, 1623).
Parents
should not show undue preference to their children based on their
gender or other criteria. Unfair treatment can arouse a feeling of
jealousy and hatred in children that can continue for life and can also
lead to bitterness in the child’s heart toward the parents as well. The
Prophet (s) referred to this in the hadeeth narrated by Muslim (1623)
when he said to the father of al-Nu’maan, “Would you like them to honor you equally?” He said, “Yes.” In other words, if you want them all to honor you equally, then be equally fair to all of them.
Even
about the inheritance that children are bound to receive from parents,
Allah (SWT) has made it clear that it does not depend on the parents’
wishes but has to be given according to the laws laid down in the Quran:
“Allah commands you as regards your children’s (inheritance)…” (Surah
Treat your children with love and mercy
Parents
have the obligation to show love and mercy to their children. This will
help children to develop normal and stable personalities and will also
make it easier for children to love and respect their parents and elders
when they grow up. Seeing the Prophet kissing his grandson, a person
named Alaqr’a Ibn Habis found this behavior strange and said, “I have
ten children, but I have never kissed any of them.” The Prophet (s)
replied, “The one who has no compassion will not be treated mercifully” (Sahih Bukhari and At-Tirmidhi).
Your children deserve the right to proper education and upbringing
One
of the most important facets of raising children is for the parents to
provide them with the right training. According to Islamic traditions,
the best gift that parents can provide to their children is training
that can help them live as responsible Muslim adults fulfilling the
rights of Allah and others. This, then, can lead them to succeed in the
hereafter as well. The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi va sallam) said,
“The best gift to children from parents is their correct training” (Tirmizi).
Educating
children in such a way that they can be successful both in this life
and the hereafter should be the supreme responsibility of parents. In
today’s world, while it is common to see parents focus on the kind of
education that can help them toward building the right careers and in
making a living, the focus on Islamic education rarely gets its due
focus. Depriving children of proper Islamic teachings can prevent
children from building a close relationship with their creator Allah,
which is the cornerstone of all success in this life and the hereafter. A
good religious education grounded in love of their Lord, on the
contrary, can help them live a more peaceful life, deal with life’s
challenges easily and maturely, and fulfill the rights and obligations
of all around them (including the parents themselves), leading the
children to grow up as better citizens of their communities and making
them an integral part of the overall Muslim Ummah.
The following provide some of the key responsibilities of the parents in terms of raising and training their children:
Inculcating the concept of “La Ilaha Illa-Allah” and Huquq Allah (Rights of Allah)
Parents
should inculcate in their children the correct ‘aqeedah of the oneness
of Allah followed by all religious acts of worship that are needed for
them to get close to Allah. This involves teaching children all rights
of Allah, which can come by children fully understanding the concepts of
Tawheed. The principles of Tawheed should never be taken lightly
because they mark the boundaries of entering Islam. Mu`âdh bin Jabal
relates that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said to him:
“O
Mu`âdh! Do you know what is Allah’s right over His servants and what
their right is over Him?” I said: “Allah and His Messenger know best.”
He said: “Allah’s right over His servants is that they worship Him
without associating any partner with Him in worship, and their right
over Him is that He does not punish anyone who worships Him without
associating any partner with Him in worship” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim].
Teaching children knowledge of the Quran
In
addition to teaching your children recitation of the Quran, knowledge
of the Quran will help your children to think beyond the mundane matters
of this life and instead develop elevated thinking that can enable them
to ponder about critical issues that can help them reconcile the many
confusing ideologies that the world will throw at them as they grow up.
Getting them to start thinking about the reasons of their existence,
their day to day struggles, and where the world is heading to will make
them become more prudent in terms of their life’s priorities.
Consider
that once when in Madinah, the prophet (s) had to send a group to Yemen
for teaching new Muslims there about Islam. The prophet picked Mu’adh
bin Jabal as their leader (even though Muadh was very young – perhaps in
his early twenties). The prophet said, “The most knowledgeable of my
ummah [community] in matters of Halal [permitted, allowed, lawful or
legal] and Haram [forbidden] is Mu’adh bin Jabal.” This shows that
knowledge of Quran had expanded the horizons of Muadh to such an extent
that the prophet (s) himself picked him as a leader for an important
expedition.
Teaching children Islamic morals and characters
Besides
teaching children the rituals of worship and the rights of individuals,
children should be taught Islamic morals, characters, and etiquette
from an early age so that it becomes part of their habits. Children
should be taught the principles of humility, tolerance, patience, and
other such behavioral traits. These personality traits can help any
individual tremendously in their lives. For example, teach them about
patience and tolerance and dealing with tough situations, and they will
be thankful to you for the rest of their lives. Those of us who struggle
in life by not having properly learned such conduct may also very well
know their value. Children can learn such conduct by learning hadith as
well as learning about the lives of the prophet (s) and his companions.
PROVIDE YOUR CHILDREN A HEALTHY ENVIRONMENT FOR THEIR UPBRINGING
Training
children so that they can grow up to become responsible citizens
requires that parents actively maintain an atmosphere at home that is
conducive to positive learning and upbringing. This, therefore, requires
that parents, too, model their lives according to the Islamic way of
life. Children can get conflicting messages and thus can get confused
when they do not see parents and elders following the instructions that
they give to them, or when out of excessive love for them, parents
become so indulgent that they turn a blind eye to their sins and fail in
checking them.
It
is well known that children who are raised in households where
argumentation, fighting, and abuse abound, not only learn less but are
more prone to develop personality disorders. There is plenty of research
that shows that the serious problems of adolescents, including drug
abuse, school failure, delinquency and violence, have grown to tragic
proportions in part because of the deteriorating environments in which
young people are raised.
Conclusion
Parents
should put in their best efforts to ensure that their children become
true inheritors of Islam, and to keep Islam alive in their lives and
their families’ lives after their death. Parental efforts are,
therefore, quite instrumental in inculcating the love of Islam and the
desire to worship in the right manner. Parents should also recognize
that raising good children can be a source of their salvation in the
hereafter. This is because if parents raise good Allah-fearing children,
those children can constantly pray to Allah for their parents after
their death. The Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said:
“Upon
death, man’s deeds will stop except for three deeds, namely: a
continuous charitable fund, endowment or goodwill; knowledge left for
people to benefit from; and a pious righteous and God-fearing child who
continuously prays to Allah, for the souls of his parents” (Muslim).
Finally,
let’s not forget that fulfilling the rights of the individuals
prescribed by Allah is part of the limits set by Allah that should be
taken seriously. Allah states thus in the Quran:
And
treat not the Verses (Laws) of Allah as a jest, but remember Allah’s
favors on you (i.e. Islam), and that which He has sent down to you of
the Book (i.e. the Qur’an) and Al-Hikmah (the Prophet’s Sunnah – legal
ways – Islamic jurisprudence) whereby He instructs you. And fear Allah,
and know that Allah is all-aware of everything Quran (2:231).
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